When I was young, I felt that Christ was simply an ever-present spirit and part of my conscience, nothing more. I’ve known Christ for as long as I can remember. I was brought up reading Bible stories, going to Sunday school, and praying before every meal. In short, I was brought up in a Christian family. My father, as you may know, is the evangelist or missionary Fan Xue De. My mother is also a believer. They have always taught me about the Gospel and Christianity. Because of this, I have always known God and came to accept him personally very early on.
However, I never felt that I was ready to be baptized. I still felt incomplete in my knowledge of the Lord and in our relationship. In fact, I felt that our relationship only existed on Sundays. During the week, I simply followed my conscience. I felt that that was sufficient. As I grew older and wiser, my understanding of Christ grew and a personal
relationship between us developed. The Lord slowly helped me to grasp ideas that were inconceivable to me in the past. He helped me to slowly see things in a different light and change.
Now since I grew up in a Christian setting, I gradually grew in Christ so there is no exact point when I came to know God. However, there is one point where God reached out and changed me. That point was the summer retreat of ’05. Christ hallenged me to live my life for him. He dared me to do things that were uncomfortable. At first, I was reluctant to this challenge. I was apprehensive and frightened. “What might think of me when…?” I thought. Then I realized that my life should not be about me, it should be about God.
I should live my life for God since he died for me and everything I do should glorify his name. At that moment, I suddenly felt a gap in my life that seemed to remain empty no matter how I filled it up. Part of my heart and mind craved something. Then I discovered what it was- a relationship personally with God. I then started to pray more often about more personal things. I started to connect with the Lord. He helped me to change my life.
Now everything I do I do for him. I now place my life and trust with Jesus. I have learned to be more loving. He has changed my approach to everything. I now go into situations thinking, “Do your best at this not for glory, but to glorify God so that others may come to him through my actions.” My life still can be improved in many ways, but I will persevere and place my life in the hands of my creator, Jesus Christ.